Friday, November 28, 2008


It has been a week now I’m at home, having my break. After finishing the two novel I had borrowed from my friend, I could see now what damaged it had made on me. Thinking back those countless, sleepless nights I went through, even for only 3 days, it felt I have wasted the whole break on it. Yet I thirst for more of it. The whole content of the book has entirely oppose on what I believes. It had lifted me from reality into a fantasy, a fantasy that will not happen, as it is only a fairy tale made by those people in one of their reason to manipulate and mislead us muslims to the right path. I should have not let myself into those traps, however I had frequently plunged myself into it with my own will. How weak I have become. I’m ashamed of myself. Often I had revived from it, but I would then constantly fall back into those dark holes that had always been waiting for me or anyone to enter. How I had dwelled in it. But I will not give up the fight, as I knew my purpose, the reason I’m still breathing still this moment, is for Islam, my Deen needs me…it will not be easy… jihad in oneself is the most greatest iman, and i will fight and conquer for that iman as best as i could.

Ending for the new beginning

I couldn't believe it that the end of the 1st semester had come. When I first entered the faculty, I would never have thought I would survived it. I could still remember when I entered the meeting room, there were a few familiar faces, but I hardly knew them that much. A month had past then, and I had befriend with each one of them, discovering and knowing each character. Most of them are quite the same, easy going, cheerful, and very, very loud.

There are some, that are very quiet, or hardly. One however that I’m very sure of had really changed me. Even sometimes others would think of  her being too extreme, I think otherwise. She was more better than any of us. She always be the first to fulfill the obligation towards Him. I always felt inferior towards her. I never have the strength like her, always loyal to Him, always repenting, the name of Him never leave her mouth. I could always hear her citing it, anywhere. I envy her. I should be like her, it’s the best thing I should be doing, as He would surely love it. Zikrullah that should always be in my side like she had made done on herself. Zikr is what He likes best. That’s the greatest thing that had happen to me in this semester, i've meet a good friend. She had often remind me of my obligation even it is not always, to be punctual, as that is my responsibility, I know, I must do it and preserved it.
And there was my housemates, they were very welcoming. I've never befriend with any of the medic students so close like now apart from Najdah and her close friends. Despite our quiet home so quiet as we're busy with our own errandsin our own room, they will always visit my room, peeping and chatting. Futhermore, we would gather at the living room when we stress out studying. Letting the tv on, let it out loud, and we let ourself outloud. it was very fun living with them. Frequently they would tease me with a grin in their faces, i don't bother, i enjoyed that. I wish this bond that is just started to form would last forever. Helping me to begin this new life, this new mission togehter. I hope the new beginning of 2nd semester would be more promising than the end of this 1st.
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