Tuesday, June 10, 2008

i have stray too far~

I was very stunned by the comment she gave me.

This morning as I look through all my emails, I noticed that I have one comment from her. When I read it, I felt like everything in the world had tumble upon me. She wrote ‘ A girl who had gone trough tarbiyah all her life shouldn’t be doing this..’.
I know it was no big deal but for a person like me, I shouldn’t have.
She was right. Maybe after I had finished school, I had really changed. I didn’t go to any function that often, didn’t attend halaqoh that frequent. I had befriend with much more different friend than I had before back school. I had been exposed to a different lifestyle, different way of thinking..
Her comment had me realize that I need to make an end to it all. I need to changed back now. No, I need to be even better..


Why did people cry? I ask this question to myself, is it because they are sad, depressed or feeling very down…

People around me as I can see, cry for small reason. They cry when they are stress in studying, have been put down to, having watching a sad movie, and specially when they were going to be separated.

I still remember the time when my teacher give his last words as for the next semester he wouldn’t be seeing us very soon. Most of the student were crying. I can see that I’m the only girl that didn’t cry. Was I’m that selfish, unhearted for not even spare a single tears.
Or maybe I’m just too stubborn. I don’t know.

Nevertheless, my eyes are easily broke into tears and for some reason it ussually did when I got really angry. I don’t really know how to expressed my anger, as my sister always said, I look really funny when I’m angry…
So I just cry….as tears dripping all over my face, I just keep quiet in my room. I wouldn’t want anybody to know what I was feeling.

When somebody comes by asking me,”Why are you crying?”. I couldn’t answer her right away. It is hard to speak when you are crying. Don’t they understand that. Even let out my voice, I couldn’t do it. I just keep crying….

I couldn’t let them know
I just cry~
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