Friday, November 28, 2008

Reviving..

It has been a week now I’m at home, having my break. After finishing the two novel I had borrowed from my friend, I could see now what damaged it had made on me. Thinking back those countless, sleepless nights I went through, even for only 3 days, it felt I have wasted the whole break on it. Yet I thirst for more of it. The whole content of the book has entirely oppose on what I believes. It had lifted me from reality into a fantasy, a fantasy that will not happen, as it is only a fairy tale made by those people in one of their reason to manipulate and mislead us muslims to the right path. I should have not let myself into those traps, however I had frequently plunged myself into it with my own will. How weak I have become. I’m ashamed of myself. Often I had revived from it, but I would then constantly fall back into those dark holes that had always been waiting for me or anyone to enter. How I had dwelled in it. But I will not give up the fight, as I knew my purpose, the reason I’m still breathing still this moment, is for Islam, my Deen needs me…it will not be easy…..as jihad in oneself is the most greatest iman, and i will fight and conquer for that iman as best as i could.

Ending for the new beginning


I couldn't believe it that the end of the 1st semester had come. When I first entered the faculty, I would never have thought I would survived it. I could still remember when I entered the meeting room, there were a few familiar faces, but I hardly knew them that much. A month had past then, and I had befriend with each one of them, discovering and knowing each character. Most of them are quite the same, easy going, cheerful, and very, very loud.

There are some, that are very quiet, or hardly. One however that I’m very sure of had really changed me. Even sometimes others would think of  her being too extreme, I think otherwise. She was more better than any of us. She always be the first to fulfill the obligation towards Him. I always felt inferior towards her. I never have the strength like her, always loyal to Him, always repenting, the name of Him never leave her mouth. I could always hear her citing it, anywhere. I envy her. I should be like her, it’s the best thing I should be doing, as He would surely love it. Zikrullah that should always be in my side like she had made done on herself. Zikr is what He likes best. That’s the greatest thing that had happen to me in this semester, i've meet a good friend. She had often remind me of my obligation even it is not always, to be punctual, as that is my responsibility, I know, I must do it and preserved it.
And there was my housemates, they were very welcoming. I've never befriend with any of the medic students so close like now apart from Najdah and her close friends. Despite our quiet home so quiet as we're busy with our own errandsin our own room, they will always visit my room, peeping and chatting. Futhermore, we would gather at the living room when we stress out studying. Letting the tv on, let it out loud, and we let ourself outloud. it was very fun living with them. Frequently they would tease me with a grin in their faces, i don't bother, i enjoyed that. I wish this bond that is just started to form would last forever. Helping me to begin this new life, this new mission togehter. I hope the new beginning of 2nd semester would be more promising than the end of this 1st.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

StruGGle!!!

Why do i feel such things....
After receiving my mid term result, i felt very depressed, dissapointed of myself...
thinking whether i would suvive or not in this faculty...

NO, NO, NO, I MUST BE STRONG...
THIS IS ALL IN MY MIND...
i can do this...
Allah had all written everything for me and it is all up to me to now...
i must push forward..
as what my father always said,
" you can do better than that"

I must Struggle!!!

Saturday, August 2, 2008

pesan ustaz daniel

Tazkirah Ust Daniel Sallehi: AGM SESIAPA YANG PADA WAKTU LETIHNYA TETAP MELAKSANAKAN TUGAS-TUGAS INI, NESCAYA DIA AKAN TETAP BERADA DALAM JALAN INI. JIKA SEBALIKNYA, MAKA KITA AKAN FUTUR…

- Kita ada tugas yang lebih agung, untuk mengembalikan islam di atas muka bumi ini. Maka, tugas-tugas lain seperti belajar ia akan menjadi lebih kecil. Kesannya, proses pembelajaran akan menjadi mudah.
- Memikirkan masalah ummah adalah lebih besar. Belajar hanyalah wasilah semata-mata. Insya allah, proses pembelajaran akan jadi mudah.
- Tidak kira di mana kita berada, DnT adalah yang paling penting.
- Potensi yang allah berikan adalah untuk digemlengkan kepada membawa islam. Ramai orang yang besar-besar apabila diberikan satu-satu ujian, maka dia akan gugur. Berbanding dengan orang yang kecil, biasanya dia akan lebih tabah.
- ILIK adalah satu wadah utk menghubungkan antara ahli-ahlinya dalam rangka memberikan wa’ islami ( kesedaran islam )
- Antara sebab berlakunya futur :
i. Melakukan hal-hal yang mubah ( harus ) .
• sikap dan pola hidup yang sibuk hanya sekadar utk makan, minum, main, tidur dsb. Hal ini akan menjadikan kita lebih selesa dan ‘malu’ untuk memikirkan perkara-perkara yang lebih besar.
• Kita letih memikirkan benda ini sahaja. Kelihatannya seperti telah banyak beramal, tetapi hakikatnya tidak ada apa-apa pun yang dibuat.
• “jauhilah oleh kamu rasa kenyang makan dan minum kerana hal itu akan menyebabkan malas solat. Maka celakalah apabila hal-hal agama dipengaruhi oleh syahwat”.
• “sesiapa yg kenyang akan dipenuhi perkara seperti :
1. Hilang rasa nikmat dalam bermunajat.
2. Tidak mampu memetik hikmah
3. Hilang rasa kasih terhadap orang lain.
4. Mula malas utk beribadah. Orang mukmin hatinya akan terikat dan dilihat di masjid manakala orang yang ingin kenyang, akan dilihat di kantin dan tandas. Kita ada potensi yang lebih daripada orang lain. Fikrah islamiyah yang telah kita dapat adalah lebih mahal daripada segala-galanya, dan memandu kehidupan kita. Persoalan yg sepatutnya kita fikirkan : hari ini ialah siapa sasaran kita. Bayangkan kalau kita tidak cuba menyebarkan wa’ islami ( kesedaran islam ) kepada kawan-kawan kita, maka kemungkinan apabila dia besar nanti dan berjaya memegang jawatan-jawatan yg besar dan mentadbir tanpa pedoman islam. Betapa besar peluang yang telah kita lepaskan….
ii. Memisahkan diri dari Jemaah. Beruzlah.
• Medan perjuangan dalam DnT adalah sangat panjang dan penuh dengan mehnah dan ujian. Jika kita tetap terus bersendirian, maka kita tidak akan mampu bertahan.
• “setiap perbuatan itu adakalanya bersemangat dan adakalanya lemah. Maka siapa yang akan membantu kita apabila kita lemah?” Maka sebab itu baginda menggalakkan kita berjamaah, kerana kita akan ada orang yang akan menegur kita…
• “sesunggunya syaitan akan mendekati orang yang bersendirian dan menjauhi orang-orang yang berjamaah.”
• Para sahabat apabila bertemu akan bertanya tentang iman, amal, ilmu, ibadah dan apabila ingin berpisah, akan ada nasihat-nasihat yang diberikan.
• “org yang bergaul dengan manusia dan sabar dengan gurauan mereka, lebih besar daripada manusia lain yang tidak bergaul dan tidak sabar dengan gurauan mereka”. Setiap manusia ada kesilapan yang akan dilakukan. Bergaullah…..
iii. Kurang mengingati masalah kematian dan alam akhirat,
• Kurang mengingati kematian dan alam akhirat dapat menurunkan semangat dan memutuskan amalan dengan akhirat.
• Pada usia muda, ingatan terhadap kematian sangat jauh bahkan tidak mustahil jika dalam seminggu tidak pernah ingat mati.
• Setiap masa kita sentiasa berada dihujung tanduk, bila-bila boleh mati. Risiko sentiasa ada.
• “wahai manusia, malulah kepada Allah. Sesiapa yang rasa malu, maka ingatlah kematian apabila tiba masa malam.”
• Para ulama’ dahulu melakukan banyak alternatif untuk mengingati mati. Ada dikalangan mereka yg mengorek kubur dan duduk di dalam itu dan cuba menghayatinya.
iv. Apabila abai dalam melaksanakan tugas2 harian.
• Lambat solat, tak solat sunat. Meninggalkan solat dhuha, istighfar, solat di masjid, berjamaah, al-ma’thurat, baca al-quran, tidur banyak.
• Inilah yang akan menyuburkan rasa malas akibat daripada meninggalkan rutin harian. Tidak merasa lazat apabila berdoa.
• Jika ini berlaku, jangan haraplah untuk kita memikul tugas yang lebih berat. Amalan-amalan rutin kita, jangan ditinggalkan.
• Kalau tak sempat, cuba bangun awal dan selesaikan dahulu. Jika dibiarkan, maka sangat bahaya kerana kita adalah seorang DAIE….
• Sedikit amalan yang berterusan walaupun sedikit akan memberikan kesan. Kesannya tetap ada, jika tak dapat di dunia, akan dapat di akhirat.
• Jangan biarkan kekuatan muda yg kita ada dipergunakan oleh sistem jahiliyah.
• Oleh itu, gunakanlah sebaiknya. Jangan biarkan kebaikan kita dipersia-siakan.

Keciciran kawan2 kita adalah tanggungjawab kita bersama..

terima kasih ustaz, walaupun ana x dapat menghadirkan diri pada hari itu,
pesanan ini amat berbekas di hatiku ini yg sudah lama lalai dgn arus jahiliyyah kini..
akan ku terus berjuang mejadi seakan pokok jati yg kuat dan teguh,
akarnya menjunam jauh menerkam tanah seakan berdiri pada prinsip aqidah yang tidak akan goyah dek angin jahiliyyah yang lalu..

my first exposure~

alang2 ada kt rumah ni, ana mahu gunakn sebaik2nya memenuhi blogku ini...

Tibanya ana di Glennview Villa merupakn permulaan perjuanganku..
Ada 10 unit untuk tahun satu perubatan dan pergigian, setiap unit dihuni oleh 10 orang.
Alhamdulillah rumah ana cuma 9 orang jer, x la crowded sgt. Tetepi setelah melihat kn saiz rumah itu, 20 orang pn boleh muat. Menginap di tempat yang sebegitu mewah, merendahkn diriku ini. ana berasa tidak layak berada di situ. ana takut lupa diri. Bilik dan tandas agak besar.
Ku takut alpa dan selesa dengan kemewahan itu...akn ku redah jua...
Di fakulti, ku bertemu dengan rakan2 bru, kebanyakannya ana sudah kenal,
namun suasana bersama mereka cukup berbeza ketika berada di tamhidi sains dulu..
Wlaupun begitu, mereka tetap menghormati diri ku.
moga hari2 depan ku dpt ku hadapi dgn tenang.

Langkah ku bermula

i should have type this earlier..

30 jun 2008, bermulalah langkahku ke usim kembali.
walaupun ana agak terkilan semasa menerima surat tawaran ke pergigian pd 25 jun lepas..
(i've never thought of getting it actually) tetapi setelah berfikir panjang,
inilah ujian bg diriku yg lemah ini kerna sesungguhnya
setiap kebaikan yg dianugerahkn Allah itu adalah ujian
dan segala kesusahan itu merupakn ganjaran drpd Allah.
Kan ku teruskn jua..
sahabat dan sahibah di tamhidi dulu, walaupun berat terpaksaku lepaskn.
Amen, anis, a-tin, qihah, syifa, dan bdk2 sains terutama tts3,
kenangan bersama takkn ku lupakn.
doakn ku agar sntiasa berada dlm rahmat hidayah-Nya dn jodoh pertemuan kita dipanjangkn.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

i have stray too far~

I was very stunned by the comment she gave me.

This morning as I look through all my emails, I noticed that I have one comment from her. When I read it, I felt like everything in the world had tumble upon me. She wrote ‘ A girl who had gone trough tarbiyah all her life shouldn’t be doing this..’.
I know it was no big deal but for a person like me, I shouldn’t have.
She was right. Maybe after I had finished school, I had really changed. I didn’t go to any function that often, didn’t attend halaqoh that frequent. I had befriend with much more different friend than I had before back school. I had been exposed to a different lifestyle, different way of thinking..
Her comment had me realize that I need to make an end to it all. I need to changed back now. No, I need to be even better..

cry...



Why did people cry? I ask this question to myself, is it because they are sad, depressed or feeling very down…

People around me as I can see, cry for small reason. They cry when they are stress in studying, have been put down to, having watching a sad movie, and specially when they were going to be separated.

I still remember the time when my teacher give his last words as for the next semester he wouldn’t be seeing us very soon. Most of the student were crying. I can see that I’m the only girl that didn’t cry. Was I’m that selfish, unhearted for not even spare a single tears.
Or maybe I’m just too stubborn. I don’t know.

Nevertheless, my eyes are easily broke into tears and for some reason it ussually did when I got really angry. I don’t really know how to expressed my anger, as my sister always said, I look really funny when I’m angry…
So I just cry….as tears dripping all over my face, I just keep quiet in my room. I wouldn’t want anybody to know what I was feeling.

When somebody comes by asking me,”Why are you crying?”. I couldn’t answer her right away. It is hard to speak when you are crying. Don’t they understand that. Even let out my voice, I couldn’t do it. I just keep crying….

I couldn’t let them know
I just cry~

Thursday, May 22, 2008



how time had really passes by very2 fast..
it felt like i didn't spend enought time with you guys,
my housemates..i remember the very first time we met..
i was alone in the house when you guys showed up
bihah is the first one that talk to me,
asking who i am, where i am from, from what school I came from,
there were only 4 people in the house at first.
My first impression about bihah, she seems to be a very strict person and someone that you wouldn't want to cross with, someone that i thought kind a like my sister, husnun..
But she wasn’t like that, she is a very nice person, the one that would always advise me in every mistakes that I have done, I like being with her..
then, there was najdah, i was really shock when she told me she is already married and was pregnant for 5 month already. She told me all the story about her marriage and how it came to happen, i was very fascinated. Then there was Ain. She is quite small compare to any of them, and very quiet at first, we barely talk to each other but after knowing her, she is really fun to talk to exactly. There is 3 rooms in the house. My roommate is from Kedah. Her name is Syifa’. A very outgoing person and she really speaks whats in her mind without thinking twice. She is a very friendly person and like being her roomate. Lastly, there came Qiha. She shares her room with Najdah. A very quiet person too at first but then as we go on, I discovered, she is kind of childish in her own kind of way.

We had really been through everything together specially during sem 1,
And then During sem 2, I learn a lot of things from them. Apart from what Najdah always told us about her life as a wife, I learn that in life we cannot depend on others, do not wait for anyone or else we will be the one that is left behind. Must manage my time properly, manage my money wisely, and learn how to prepare myself with the world ( am I exaggerating too much?)
But it’s true…and the must importantly from what I had learn from them is never let our guards down and stay with our principle….
They may never even notice this that they have teach me this, however this IS the things I had truly learn…Thank you my FRIENDS~
 
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